


we swore blood brothers against the wind

by janie_tangerine



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1990s, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Best Friends, Fluff, Gen, Humor, I Blame Tumblr, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Robb Stark is a Gift, The Author Regrets Nothing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-27
Packaged: 2018-04-06 02:48:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4205091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janie_tangerine/pseuds/janie_tangerine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>in which Robb and Theon are best friends, except that almost everyone they know hates the both of them for entirely dumb reasons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [a_bittersweet_crow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_bittersweet_crow/gifts).



> So this fic probably requires background. As in, a few months ago there was this post circulating which was basically Robb hate without any basis whatsoever and me and [charleywng](http://charleywng.tumblr.com/) were being baffled as in 'how could anyone hate Robb', 'hey well it shows that him and Theon are a one true pairing both of them get completely ridiculous hate'. At which she went why 'it would make a nice fic, the two of them being friends when everyone else hates them'.
> 
> At which I totally caught the occasion to put some actual content in the tags and wrote the first installment to this. Then it kinda grew because someone else wanted more, then whenever Charley prompted me for anything I ended up writing in this verse so here you go have six snippets of this completely ridiculous crack where people don't like them for completely idiotic reasons and the reasons why someone would hate Robb are still forever a mystery. The title is from Bruce Springsteen and I only own what plot Charley didn't come up with.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which they meet for the first time. Theon can't believe his luck. Robb can't either.

So, thing is, Theon is not good at  _socialization_. Never mind what his social worker says -  _getting to know people_  isn’t as easy as they make it seem. So he doesn’t make friends easily and he’s generally happy like that, and if it means that he spends most of his time alone because Asha’s out working, well,  _fine_ , he’ll deal, better on your own than surrounded by people you don't like.

But the thing is, he’s been in the park outside his building for half an hour now, never waste a sunny day in London, and there’s that seven-years old kid that moved here a month ago or so who’s standing in the park’s corner on his own. And who's been doing exactly the same for the entire time he's been here. And Theon  _had_  seen the kid trying to make friends at the beginning, and he hasn’t quite managed it. And he also looks miserable as he drops to the ground and starts doing his homework. Also, Theon’s seen him trying to make friends in school, too, and failing all over the line - he’s a few classes behind him for age reasons, but they go to the same school building, so.

And maybe seven is a bit too young but - ah, fuck it, why not, at worse he’ll just have confirmation that he’s bad at this making friends business. Never mind that he doesn’t get the deal with the red-haired kid - like, he’s seen him generally being extra nice at school and sharing his lunch with dicks who didn’t deserve it and stuff like that. What’s wrong with people?

He sighs and walks up to him.

“Uh, hi,” he starts, feeling completely awkward about it. Damn, it’s not even that the time you introduce yourself to other kids easily has passed for him, he never even went through that phase to begin with,

And then the kid looks up at him with huge blue eyes, and - he kinda looks hopeful at that? “Hi,” he answers, cautiously. As if he’s testing the waters.

“I was wondering -” Theon starts, and then he realized he should have thought about what he should say, and then - “listen, it’s just, you kinda look miserable on your own and I’m on my own until tomorrow night so I thought, I dunno, if you needed any help with that -”

“Really?”

Why is the kid looking at him like  _he’s his fucking Christmas present?_

“… Why not?”

“It’s just -” he starts, and  _then_  Theon notices that he must be Irish - you can hear the accent. “We just moved here, and I have another three siblings and my mom’s pregnant, so it’s not like she has that much time to care about what I do. But it’s okay, I mean, I get it. And I did try to make friends in school, but - no one wanted to?”

“What the hell, but why?”

The kid shrugs. “Dunno. Someone said that gingers were evil or something like that.”

“ _Seriously_? That’s like, Middle Ages!”

The kid shrugs. “Well, yeah, I also got these.” He fishes inside his book and hands Theon a bunch of pieces of paper. Theon looks at them. Well,  _shit_ , it’s all a variation of telling the poor guy to get his ass back to hauling sheep around or equally tasteful comments about where he comes from.

He shrugs and tears all of them in half, then again, then he dumps them into the nearby bin.

“You’re surrounded by morons. I guess.”

“Well, then  _why_  are you on your own? I mean - you’re nice?”

Theon snorts out loud. “My dad is in jail, I live with my sister who somehow is managing to make enough money for me, herself and our mother, and I used to get that same stuff. It was just more like, go back to the trash you come from.”

“That’s  _horrible_! And I mean - why would they judge you based on what your  _father_  did? That’s unfair.”

Wow, he does look outraged on Theon’s behalf. Theon can’t help the grin that spreads across his mouth. “Well, less unfair than people not liking you because of your fucking hair. By the way, I’m Theon. So, uh, wanna be friends?”

And shit but the grin he gets in response is  _blinding_. “I’m Robb. And of course I do.”

Well, Theon thinks, that definitely went well, didn’t it?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Robb is miserable and Theon is proactive about it.

After a week of Robb deflecting his not exactly vague questions, Theon decides that he’s done trying to get it out of him, but not that he’s  _not_  getting to the bottom of the problem. Which would be that Robb has spent the last week and a half looking generally miserable, this while it’s been  _really_  hard to get him down since they had their probably embarrassing moment in the park. Which Theon seriously admires because if it did take  _one_  admittedly fucked up person actually, y’know, being  _nice_  to him for the kid to perk up like he had, on one side it just says nice things about him. On the other he has no clue of why  _he_  is the only one Robb’s friends with, but whatever. Let other people be idiots, he figures. Anyway, nothing’s worked yet and they’re back at the ‘let’s sulk in the park’ times, and Theon shouldn’t say that he’s too old for this when he’s not even  _fourteen_ , but he’s sulked until he met Robb, he’s not going to fall into that  _again_.

So he corners Robb’s half-brother and asks him instead, since Robb won’t say it.

Jon lets out a long sigh. Then. “You know that Joffrey kid in class with him?”

“That little prick? Sadly I do. What’s up with him?”

“Er, well, Sansa likes him. And she still didn’t understand he’s… like that. Anyway he’s being… _a little prick_  to Robb at any given occasion and he’s not saying anything because he doesn’t want to give Sansa trouble or something like that.”

“…  _for real_?”

“For real. Please tell me you're planning to do something about that.”

“That I do,” Theon answers. He  _indeed_  is planning to do something about that.

The next day he doesn’t spend recess in class like usual - he’d rather read a book than trying to talk to his classmates anyway - and goes into the yard. It doesn’t take him that long to see where they might be - all the kids their age are usually in a certain part of the courtyard and right, sure, Robb’s there, always in the damned corner and always trying to do some extra homework. The little prick is nearby indeed. And -

“It’s cute that your sister wants me to be  _her boyfriend_. Guess she might have a chance if you show me that maths homework, how about that?”

Robb doesn’t even look at him.

“Stark,  _did you hear me_?”

“Maybe he doesn’t want to listen to you harping at him, how about that?”

At that, Joffrey glances at him like he wishes he’d just disappear from the face of the planet, Robb looks up half worried and half thankful, and Joffrey’s few little prick friends look…  _very worried_. They probably know where his dad is currently residing.

At least it’s useful to  _something_.

“Sod off,” Joffrey tries.

Theon laughs. “You wish. How about  _you_  do before I show you what I learned at home before my dad got locked up, Baratheon?”

“Theon -” Robb starts.

“You stay out of that,” Theon interrupts him. “It’s not like I’m not in detention half of the time. So, are you fucking off or not?”

Sadly for him, Joffrey is an idiot and Theon ends up with an entire week of detention because of that - fine, maybe he shouldn’t have just slapped the kid in the face, but he kept that light and stopped there, also because there wasn’t the need to go further. Everyone scrambled after that.

Still, at least it looks like he’s done with being a prick to Robb, damn it. So at the first day of detention he just goes to the library and figures he’ll put himself ahead with homework, and he hasn’t even taken his books out when Robb stalks into the room and puts his own notebooks in front of him.

“The hell are you doing here?”

“You’re in here because of  _me_ , it’s only right I stay with you.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Maybe I want to. And thank you.”

And Robb’s looking at him like it’s his birthday and Christmas rolled into one all over again - well, Theon’s never going to say it out loud but damn, it really was worth that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Robb meets Theon's family.

So Theon waits a month before inviting Robb to his place. Mostly because he’s maybe scared shitless that things might go wrong - surely they did the last time he invited someone over for some school group project, he  _had_  told them to not call his mom Mrs. Greyjoy  _if_  they talked to each other and that idiot Walder  _did_. Asha didn’t have Theon’s hide just because she also was around and she had heard Theon clearly tell the idiot more than once, but - yeah, so, he stalls. Not that he thinks Robb would be that much of a dick, all the contrary, but still, it takes him a month before he goes for it, and he does that just because his mom insists - according to her since they’re friends he’s looked  _so much happier_ , she wants to meet the culprit.

“So,” he tells Robb at school, “I was wondering if you’d like to come over one of these days? I mean, uh, my mom kinda wants to meet you.”

“Of course I would,” Robb replies promptly, looking excited at the prospect. “Just say when. It’s not like I have anything to do other than homework.”

“Yeah, uhm, actually she said she was going to cook dinner today, so I guess you might, but - er, it’s complicated.”

“Complicated?”

He shrugs, figuring he should just let it out. “I told you about my dad, right.”

“Uh, yes? And your brothers, too?”

“Yeah, well, let’s say that even before they died and he got locked up, they were arguing all the time and he was a jerk to her in the best case. And - after that all went down, uh, she had a breakdown.  _Really_  bad. I mean, two months in a hospital kind of breakdown.”

“Wow, I’m sorry - is she all right now? More or less?” At least Robb sounds just concerned. Better than the reaction his dumb classmate had.

“Oh, yes, but like - she got a divorce. Obviously. Good thing she did. And she’s on meds and she still has her days but in comparison to last year, it’s peachy. Anyway, just - if whatever she cooks ends up being too sweet just pretend she didn’t mistake the sugar and salt jars and  _please_  for the love of everything  _don’t_  call her Mrs. Greyjoy.”

“Sure. What’s her maiden name?”

“Harlaw.”

“All right. Sure thing, I’ll remember that. See you when?”

“Just come over at six thirty.”

So maybe he kind of freaks out until then, also because Asha has come back from work before usual, probably just to hover around and make sure there isn’t another Walder Frey jr. situation again - good thing his mother is oblivious to it and very excited about this entire dinner thing. So much that she actually uses the nice plates she only breaks out when their uncle comes visiting.

Then Robb shows up at six thirty sharp and the first thing Theon notices when he opens the door is that for once he’s not dressed in one of his worn-out superhero t-shirts. He actually put on a nice blue button-up that Theon is sure has to be new or close to it. And -

“Wait, are those  _flowers_ ,” Theon says, staring down at him. Robb stares back, looking completely not impressed with him.

“Showing up bringing nothing is rude,” he proclaims as Theon lets him in.

“Did  _your_  mom tell you that?”

“Why, is she wrong?”

Theon can sort of visualize the scene and maybe he should stop before he starts laughing. Anyway, before he can keep on, his mom has showed up at the entrance and Robb sees her before Theon does.

“Oh. You must be Miss Harlaw, right? I’m Robb. And - oh, I might have forgotten to ask him. I hope you’re not allergic?” And he hands over his small bouquet of pink orchids.

For a moment she looks completely surprised - as if she had expected  _everything_  but that, but then - then she  _beams_  at him and takes the flowers.

“I’m not allergic to flowers,” she answers. “And stop with those formalities, you can call me Alannys. Wow, these  _really_  are lovely. I’ll just go put them in a vase and then we can start dinner, how about that?”

“Whenever you like.” How does Robb manage to sound  _this_  nice Theon doesn’t know, but he falls into stride as he leads him through the hallway.

“Wow, I need to thank Jon.”

“Your brother?”

“He picked the flowers, I was going to just get red roses and he said it wasn’t classy. Or something.”

Theon kind of wants to erupt in laughter at that, but he doesn’t and introduces Robb to Asha instead - good thing he hadn’t seen her lurking in the hallway before.

And that’s when his mom joins them in the kitchen holding up the vase full of orchids and putting it on the windowsill. “Asha, aren’t these  _lovely_?”

“… A bit too pink for my tastes, but they’re nice,” she agrees, and then she doesn’t look at Robb like she could murder him on the spot. Good. Test passed.

Obviously, the fish soup would have been perfectly fine  _if_  it didn’t taste sweet when it should have tasted salty, but then it happens that Robb actually eats a few good spoonfuls of it before Alannys does and can see what was wrong with it. And he eats them with a straight face.

“Oh, I got them mistaken  _again_ ,” she sighs. “I really need to get different bowls for them. Honey, you really don’t have to eat it, I’m -”

“That’s fine,” Robb cuts her. “I don’t mind it.”

Asha almost chokes on her beer, but Theon’s the only one noticing it.

“What?”

“I like sweet stuff,” he says, shrugging. “Really. And I hate wasting food, so - it’s okay, I’ll just finish it.”

Theon can pinpoint the moment his mom goes from ‘he’s a nice kid’ to ‘if you don’t invite him more often I might be very displeased’, and - he doesn’t finish his own plate because he hates sweet stuff on principle, it’s not like his mom doesn’t know that, but he can’t help grinning to himself and doesn’t even try to stop that.

Yes, he should have invited Robb over sooner, but he entirely wants to make up for lost time in the next few weeks.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Robb crashes at Theon's for Christmas and everyone is happy about it.

So, Theon didn’t exactly have plans for Christmas day. Not that Asha and his mother had, either - Asha had said that she intended to spend the day catching up on the sleep she missed in the last two weeks thanks to the Christmas presents rush (Theon hadn’t known that her clientele was the Christmas rush kind, Asha and her friends own this shop that sells mostly leather, biker stuff and so on, but he figures that even goths have to buy presents). His mother had just said that they were going to have lunch together and maybe see a movie later, which would have been fine with him, but considering she’s two months out of a  _bad_  nervous breakdown he’s sure that she’s not feeling like cooking, and while he has fairly decent skills he can’t put together a  _nice_  meal. No presents, of course, but they all agreed on that.

So he was just planning on putting together what he could for lunch and trying to find a movie both him and his mother could watch in the afternoon, possibly not overtly heavy, when someone knocks on the door mid-morning.

He puts the newspaper with the television shows schedule out of the way, opens the door, and -

“Robb? What the hell?”

As far as Theon knew, the Starks were all going back to Ireland for the holidays. Which only sounded reasonable to him since all of their family is back there.

But Robb obviously  _isn’t_  in Ireland right now, since he’s standing there outside his door with a bunch of paper bags around him and one under his arm, and he’s blushing... not as red as his hair, but close to it.

“Er, I told Mom that you weren’t doing anything for Christmas when she asked me.”

Theon doesn’t even get angry - he knows Robb tells her everything, and Mrs. Stark is plenty okay, really.

“Right. So?”

“So she asked me if I  _really_  wanted to go with them.”

“… And you said no?”

“Well, it’s… like, fifteen of them over there. And I’m going to see them at Easter and this summer anyway. And I thought it was a pity you and your mom might spend the day on your own.”

“Right, and what’s with the bags?”

“Oh, yes. Mom said that it’d have been rude to show up without food, so - she made some to bring over?”

Theon goes and checks the bags - one has two casseroles in it, another a few Tupperware containers. And now that he pays attention to it, everything smells delicious.

“What’s in there?”

“Uh, she made spiced beef. And plum pudding, though she says I’m not supposed to have it?”

Well, fuck him, isn’t there alcohol in it? Asha would love that, Theon thinks. 

“Oh, and there’s also a mince pie. And before you tell me she was insane for giving it over for free, she said that we had bought too much food last week and it would have gone to waste anyway.”

“Shit, Robb, she didn’t have to -”

“That’s fine, really. Uh, and - Merry Christmas.” He throws the bag he had under his arm at him.

“Wait, you brought  _presents_?”

“Would’ve been rude to show up without, right? Also, it’s not like you didn’t buy me one.”

Right. That bunch of Captain America comic books that Theon found at some used comics shop and gave him before  _he was supposed to leave_.

Sometimes Theon wonders if Robb’s even  _real._

“You do realize that your presence  _might_  have been enough?” He jokes, grabbing some of the bags.

Robb’s cheeks go even redder.

“Come on, get in. I’m sure that my sister  _will_  forgive me for dragging her out of bed if it means she gets plum pudding. And I don’t think my mom’s had any of this in years, she’ll be ecstatic.”

“She’s not going to mind, right? I didn’t even think -”

“She loved having friends over back in the day, don’t you worry. Just get in, will you?”

Robb grins and does, and when Theon finds out that the Christmas presents were sets of hand-knitted scarf and gloves for each of them (by Robb’s mother, except that the set for  _him_  was Robb’s and it shows because the craftsmanship is a lot less sure and sloppier than the other two, but they do hold together so who even cares) he’s moved enough that no one finds out that he might have let loose a tear or two just because his mother is too busy telling Robb that he’s entirely too nice for this world and she’s really glad they’re friends. (Meanwhile her sister is eating her third serving of pudding and not disagreeing with it at all.)

Theon’s really glad of that, too.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Theon totally plays knight in shining armor. Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was written for a tumblr writing meme for the prompt 'throbb, just leave me alone', which I totally decide to put in this verse because I could.
> 
> Also yes, I have a mild obsession with The Bridges of Madison County if anyone was wondering why it's my go to romantic embarrassing movie to mention in fic.

It’s probably embarrassing that Theon’s counting the days here, but the thing is that an entire week without anyone getting on his and Robb’s case is somehow suspicious. He’d like to think that with it being Robb’s last year of middle school everyone on  _his_  case just gave up and regarding his hey, maybe he’s just scored some nice karma points, but he’s not that naive.

So he’s counting the days. Last week it was five. Today is the sixth. If they get through recess and through tomorrow without anything shitty happening he might even consider that karma _does_  exist. Anyway, he was supposed to give Robb back the VHS for that movie Robb  _assured_ him his mom would love - which actually had happened, but Theon will be caught dead before he watches  _The Bridges of Madison County_  again - once was enough. So he goes looking for him, good thing that their indecently huge building houses grades from elementary through high school, and clearly the moment he steps into the middle schoolers area -

“Just leave me  _alone_ , can’t you?!”

Well, that was Robb.

Five days is going to stay the record, he thinks. Then he tries to locate whatever’s going on - it’s in the corner of the yard, and Robb has dirt on his face and he’s standing in front of some other dumb kid in his class. What the hell was the name? Walder Frey jr.? One of the  _five_  Walder Freys jr. that are around this school anyway - that family’s creepy. Other than dirt on his face, Robb also has dirt on his clothes and whatever book he was reading.

Never mind that the Frey jr has some five friends with him, and they’re all related. And there’s no one else around, of course - everyone is carefully avoiding the scene.

“Because you think you’re so much better than us, don’t you?”

Theon still doesn’t get how people get  _that_  impression out of Robb, to be honest.

“I don’t  _care_  about you,” Robb retorts.

“And he’s right in not giving a shit. Now, do the five of you want to tell your mothers that I gave you all a black eye using  _this_ ,” Theon interrupts showing off the VHS, “or do you want to leave him the fuck alone and save your face?”

Sometimes he’s glad people automatically think he’s bad news because of his dad - the moment they look at him, they don’t even consider it - they just run. That was almost too easy, wasn’t it.

“Seriously, what did you do to piss them off again?” He asks, handing Robb the VHS back. Robb shrugs, takes it and then starts rubbing dirt off his jeans.

“I was the only one who got an A on the last history test?”

Theon shakes his head. “It’s never going to end, is it? Anyway, if you want to come over later I think my mom knows some foulproof way of washing that stuff off your clothes, if you don’t want your mom to know.”

Robb doesn’t even consider it. “If she doesn’t mind -”

“Are you crazy? ‘Course she doesn’t. Also she desperately wants to talk about this bloody movie and she’s not going to be satisfied with me and Asha pretending we care.”

Robb shakes his head and smiles even if it’s obvious he was trying not to. Theon still can’t come up with a reason why people are this bent on disliking him.

“Fine then,” he says, “and thanks. For the save, I mean.”

“Scaring people named Frey is my favorite past time, didn’t you know that?”

Robb laughs again and Theon, not for the first or last time, thinks that  _he_  lucked out with his friends choice, and if everyone else seems to disagree he’s more sorry for them than anything else.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which both Robb and Theon have a more or less heartfelt conversation. Also, in which they actually might make some new friends for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This probably looks weird because it was in answer to a headcanon re this 'verse that went like 'I'm sure that Theon totally keeps on taking punches for Robb and at some point they'd meet people who actually do like them who'd find it all hilarious'. So that's why it's divided in two and like it's not the same topic, but it was posted all at once so I'm keeping it like that.
> 
> Also the Irish insult in here was found on an internet list so if it was wrong or something please tell me and I'll change to the correct version asap XD

“Theon, you  _do_  know it’s not worth it, don’t you?”

“Excuse me, anyone saying you’re a  _stuck-up jerk_  needs to keep their mouth shut.”

“What, do you want to make me feel guilty because I haven’t taken a black eye in your honor in the last two years?”

“That’s different. First, my mom would skin me if she knew you ended up with a black eye because of me. Second, it’s not like people saying I sleep around is  _false_.”

“They don’t say it  _nicely_.”

“Still doesn’t stop me from getting laid, right? Shit, that  _hurts_.”

“Don’t _move_  with ice pressed on that swelling, idiot. And just stop that, it’s not worth it.”

“See, one can hear it!”

“Hear  _what_.”

“That you’re sad people don’t like you for dumb reasons.”

“It’s just - I don’t know what I did to give them that impression! I mean, I’m not - like that, right?”

“Robb, you just have to be glad it’s  _me_  picking up fights and not my mom because I’m pretty sure she’d have their hide worse than I could. No, you’re  _not_  like that. Fuck’s sake, stuck-up jerks don’t handle their entire family for three days when they’re  _thirteen_  so that their parents can go back to the place they got married in or  _something_  for their anniversary.”

“That’s not fair, you and your mom helped -”

“ _Two days into it_  when you called, because  _you didn’t tell me first_ , come on. Never mind that you totally ditched that football team field trip to  _get to know the team_  to do it and that’s why  _they_  hate you, at least. Don’t worry, you’re not. And even if you were I wouldn’t give a shit. Also, I think I should have stopped at the first beer.”

“ _Maybe_. And anyway, you don’t deserve that either.”

“Robb, people haven’t  _liked_  me since I was seven. Who even gives a shit, I don’t need people  _liking_  me.”

“Fine, fine, whatever. Don’t move, your lip is still bleeding. Damn, at this point I guess we’re stuck together for the duration, aren’t we?”

“You don’t sound like you’re  _that_  sad about it.”

“… I’m not?”

“… Never stop being a dork, Robb. Just don’t.”

“You  _really_  need to stop getting punched in the face.”

–

“No, no, wait a moment, what did you just say?”

Robb doesn’t know if he wants to murder his brother for having dragged him and Theon to his eighteenth birthday party because  _it was a travesty that they still didn’t have any other friends and no, no excuses, you’re coming_  or if he should hug him because for the first time in their entire lives they’re actually in company of people who seem to actually - well, enjoy spending some time with the both of them. Sure, in order to convince them Jon had said something like ‘Robb, for real, I’m pretty much inviting you to the real life Losers club without the killer clowns coming with the package, no one is going to make assumptions’. Not that Jon ever sounded sorry to be in the so-called real life Losers club, but anyway, Robb should have figured that maybe it wouldn’t have ended up badly.

It hasn’t - they actually have been having perfectly civil conversation for a while, and now that the alcohol happened it’s gone straight into friendly-ish, and  _clearly_  Theon had to bring  _that_ thing up. And all the other people around the table - except Jon, who knew already and is currently laughing himself to death - are all looking at him like they can’t just believe what they heard.

Theon just grins at the perfectly nice girl that asked the question - right. Gilly.

“No shit, on his first day of junior high he ended up sitting next to this kid whose family was what, a bunch of right wing nuts who hadn’t realized that the Middle Ages were over a while ago. And like, he’s all nice and introduces himself and stuff and then the kid asks to be moved because he’s not going to sit next to someone who’s obviously  _the spawn of the devil_.”

Robb thinks he’s going as red as his hair. Just on point. At that, everyone in the table erupts in laughter, and then the other girl, right, Ygritte, he thinks she and Jon have some friends with benefits thing going on, starts coughing for how hard she’s laughing.

“Seriously,” she says, “it happened to me too back in the day, but - who can look at  _him_  and think he’s some  _spawn of the devil_? Come on, that’s just fucking  _hilarious_.”

“Theon -”

“Anyway,” Theon keeps on, “it gets better, because obviously other than that, being Irish  _obviously_  made you a lesser human being, and the kid in question kept on being loud about it, and of course most other people kept on with it -”

“ _Theon_  -”

“So one day when he’s tried to be extra nice again and got the same treatment, he just loses it during recess, and good thing I was there to see it. I don’t remember what the idiot said, but he  _totally_  went and answered in Gaelic to him and you don’t even know, he freaked out  _so fucking much_  he thought he was really speaking the language of the devil or something. And the funniest thing was  _what_  he had said.”

“Theon, if you think I’m going to share -”

“Robb, come on, Rickon tells that story to his friends all the time and they’re  _nine_. We’re all of age, you can say it.”

Jon really needs to keep his mouth shut. Ah, well.

“ _Fine._  I told him, go n-ithe an cat thú, is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat.”

“ _What_ ,” one of Jon’s friends - Grenn? Yes, he thinks it’s the name - blurts.

“It’s  _may the cat eat you, and may the devil eat the cat_ ,” Theon not so helpfully says. “He might have tried to teach me once and I never got past the insults, but still.”

“Oh my, that’s  _amazing_ ,” Grenn says before laughing all over again, and like,  _everyone_  is, and the one next to Grenn, Pyp, claps Robb so hard he almost spits his Coke.

“I don’t know how people think you’re bad company, because  _that_  was just golden. Good for you, man.”

“Well,” Robb said, “Theon didn’t tell you about the time someone asked him how it felt to have banged all of his class in three months.”

“Aw, why -”

“Sorry, you had your moment, I’ll have mine. Anyway, he looks at the guy straight in the eyes and then goes like,  _well, I still didn’t have a go with you but I don’t think I’ll try to complete the collection_. The guy was  _livid_.”

“Oh my god,” Sam, the only one that Robb knew from before since he’d  _know_  Jon’s best friend since elementary school, “Jon, how long did you say this story has been going on?”

“I don’t know, ten years?  _Eleven_? I’m pretty sure they met when Robb over there was  _seven_ , so.”

“Wait, you have  _ten years_  of this?” Ygritte asks.

“Well, I have at least fifteen because I wasn’t that cool on my own anyway, but yeah, ten,” Theon shrugs.

“Jon,  _invite them more often_ , because this is comedy gold. Oh my god. Look at them,  _how do people even think that_?” She starts laughing all over again and Robb figures that it was actually a compliment.

“Wait a moment,” Theon hisses to him a moment later, “did she just say she wants us to hang out with them  _again_?”

“Looks like that?”

“Huh. Well, at least someone in here has good taste in friends,” Theon snorts.

“Hey, shut up, we both have that,” Robb says while  _not_  looking at Theon and trying not to blush all over again - yeah, he wishes.

He entirely does  _not_  protest it when Theon puts an arm around him and says that they’re always available for horrid anecdotes.


End file.
